Last few days...

...leading into the new year.

Having the new year in the middle of the academic year really reduces the overall awe and impact. Anyway, got back into the habit of baking because I've been craving the sweet stuff.

Butter-less chocolate cupcakes

with peanut butter frosting and silver balls

Flourless, fudgy chocolate cookies

The lack of flour and butter is not 'cause I'm tryna' watch my diet, but just 'cause I couldn't be bothered to buy 'em. They were goooood anyway.

I've dressed my kindle up nice and snug in a mock leather jacket.



...and fed it with fairy tales and trashy novels to take me to fantasy land.

Take on 2012? Challenge accepted!

Christmas

This is the FIRST ever Christmas I spent on my own and it's not too bad, actually. No distractions in having to please anyone and total concentration on the true meaning of Christmas...Jesus Christ.

That aside, I've treated myself to a little shopping spree and got a new wallet/purse from Ted Baker's new range, Sweet Shoppe. Loving it so far!

Look what came in the post a few days ago.

Sweetest, most thoughtful gift ever. Thank you.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

It is with you I learnt that our time together will never be enough.

Be it a day.

Be it a week.

Be it a year.

Or to the end of our lives.

It will never be enough.

Certificate of Appreciation

Presented to,

"You know who you are"

for your tireless efforts and eventual success

in making me smile

T & C: The following document is only valid within 36 hours of acceptance. Further efforts are required in order to maintain current stature.

Mmm...

Was watching the Hairy Bikers carve a 1kg Prince Albert Fillet of Beef straight out of the oven when I had an inward shudder and mouthed 'That's so sexy'.

I need help.

Halloween marks the end of October and the beginning of sweet, sweet November!

Yes, I carved that on a single pumpkin the size of a 'sepak takraw' ball. Well, not so much carve as STAB with a blunt steak knife.

On a totally non-related matter, I have finally come to love my new tiny studio flat and it's starting to feel more homey. I was planning to have it decorated in a cosy, country cottage-styled theme; but that failed miserably as I tend to over-do on colours. So I suppose I'm stuck with the pre-teen slash crazy-hoarder look for the year.

Ze sofa bed & shelves

Ze flat-screen TV and steps to loft

Ze kitchenette

Ze window

Ze loft

Desires

Sitting on the edge of my bed, eyes wild and heart pounding...
I am overwhelmed by desire...

for so many things!

I want a big, fat, juicy hunk....of steak!

I want sweet, juicy mussels!

I want a huge, not-so-sweet, spongy cake (all to myself)!

I want a fluffy, gentle golden retriever!

I want a bold, powerful Siberian husky!

ARGHHH THE AGONY!

Obsession

Obsession of the year...WICKED

I've seen a number of musicals, and each one NEVER fail to impress me.

Wicked was...IS amazing! I could watch it over and over again. It's a musical which will cause you tear up with both laughter and heartbreak. Oh..and the romance! *Sigh...* If ever in doubt about musicals, start with Wicked! *Excited shiver*

I've always been familiar with the author of Wicked, Gregory Maguire, who has infamously written a number of twists to common fairy tales including Snow White and Cinderella. He is truly a mastermind and Wicked is definitely a notch above it all.

I've added one of my favourite songs from the play "For Good" sung by the original American casts...


...whom you would've recognised if you're a Gleek, are actresses in Glee!

You'll probably be more familiar with this version taken from Glee Season 2: Last episode


Ah...musicals are a source of pure ecstasy...

On 2 wheels

10.00am: Time to get ready for the first lecture of the day..and I'm excited.

Oh no no no...it's not the brain-numbing ramblings of my professors which gives me the high, but the fact that I'll be able to cycle to uni which stimulates me brains to produce lovely serotonin shots.

10:15am: Wrapping myself up with a bobbly beanie, gloves and a scarf to protect my already damaged skin from the chilly wind.

I can't believe how much I enjoy cycling to and fro in London. Sure, there will be the occasional near misses of crippling accidents from massive double-decker buses or speeding sports car drivers, but hey...every enjoyable activity has their risks.

10:30am: Unlocking my trusty second-hand Dahon Jack D7 from my flat's railing whilst nervously checking if the front wheel or seat have been stolen. Nope, they're still attached.

Within minutes, I'm on the road whizzing past vehicles stuck in the morning jam and singing Christmas tunes (slightly aware that pedestrians may be able to hear me). It is just the most amazing feeling EVER! If I haven't any other reason to get up to go to uni, this will be it.

I love how cycling's so much faster and RELIABLE than public transportation (curse you, tfl!). I love the cold wind in my face. I especially love the fact that in 2 months, I'm gonna have a pair of fantastic gluts.

10.50am: Gliding towards the front entrance of uni in a slow-mo, reaching the finishing-line-of tour-de-france-manner with 10 minutes to spare.

Life is good.

Although, speaking of Christmas...it wouldn't hurt to wish for a cute bicycle as per the one below...

...in red or lovely pastel colours =)

There's a very fine line between being very tolerant and a total pushover.

I'm a complete pushover.

And I'm getting sick of it.

Time to 'JUST SAY NO!'

Have your 9 a day!

This very morning, I woke up to the little voice in my head debating (not in a schizophrenic way!) about human virtues.

I suppose this thought threaded from the remnants of my past incidences with my ex-flatmates and I started to wonder what is the right way to raise a child, how do we teach them good characters, what IS the right sort of characters?

Of course, we could teach children manners, morals, culture...but these are all subject to the society they belong in, which could easily bring conflict between citizens from different cultures (of which I experienced).

Then, that very same voice gave me a simple realisation...'The fruits of the Holy Spirit'! THAT would be the way God wants us to be raised and act.

Love . Joy . Peace . Patience . Kindness . Goodness . Faithfulness . Gentleness . Self-control

It doesn't matter what the world thinks of you. The world's not gonna give you the ticket to heaven.

Makes me happy 15 =)

Today marks the day I live on my own in a tiny studio apartment.

Today, I scrubbed high and low, in and out, and fueled by chocolate milk.

Today, I banged my knee up so many times I've got a whole constellation of bruises.

Today, all I consumed was 2 muffins and a piece of bak gwa.

Today, I got a job offer in a UK hospital.

Today (No, it was yesterday), I was invited for an interview at a London based hospital.

Today, I was reminded that when God has a plan for us, He opens doors so wide that even when our eyes are closed, we'd find the way.

Do not think for a moment God is ignoring you when things don't go as YOU planned. He has very great things planned for us, and He's constantly nudging us in the right way.

Today, I don't know what my future will be like...but I know I will do great things with God, in God, by God.

Effective Weight Loss

Step 1 - Find yourself a bottle of the strongest Listerine.

Step 2 - Gargle before every meal (or any time a binge is felt).

Step 3 - Eat.

Step 4 - Embrace the displeasure you taste at every bite.

If the minty after-taste hasn't altered the flavours of your food, the high alcohol content would have surely burnt a hole in your tongue and obliterate all possible taste senses.

That, my friends, is my secret...

I love reading...

In one of those columns where they'd ask for your hobby or interest, I'd say reading, not 'cause it's generic or to give good impression. It's cause I really, honest to Betsy, LOVE reading.

When I pick up a book I really enjoy, I will be so absorbed into the story. My mind and emotions roller coaster parallel to the moods portrayed by the author. I feel myself mentally transported away from real life and actually become part of the story.

Now, I know the books I read are trashy, crisps ('cause they're junk, unhealthy and non-educational). But my chosen books are ones I desire to feel at that particular time.

If I felt adventurous, I pick up a Sci Fi by Philip Pullman, CS Lewis, JK Rowling, or any other random author.

When I wanna feel loved, I pick up a romance novel by Meg Cabot, Sophie Kinsella, Melissa Hill, etcetra etcetra

If I wanna challenge my mind and emotions, I tend to go for Jodie Picoults, Dave Pelzer, or any autobiography of a person's challenged life.

Sigh....reading's awesome.

New era...again

Sometimes, you surprise me. Pleasantly.

On another note...

This year is gonna be another adventure for me and a cross of my bucket list. This year, I'll be living on my own. Den den den! In the beginning, I was tremendously petrified of the idea but I suppose it has settled in quite nicely.

• No more bill splitting between flatmates, and in my case, managing the entire household bills!
• No more strict flatmates and their strict rules.
• No more disapproving looks from flatmates when my family stays over.
• No more treading around carefully to avoid flatmates' discontentment.

The last couple of years have been very...eventful, I should say, for my flatmates were not very...flexible. All is forgiven (on my side anyway) and I'm just glad it's all over.

Nevertheless, I am quite excited about the prospect of doing my own thang in my very own crib! ...despite the fact that it's just at tiny double bed studio >< (Pictures up soon-ish!)

I suppose it'll give me more time to reflect on my own priorities instead of getting influenced by other people. My parents are very happy indeed (despite the increased rent) as I will be bully-free for the remainder of my university year.

Despite the troubled feelings of uncertainty of what is to come and the possibilities of many (MANY...) lonely nights, I do feel quite relieved of not having to deal with the responsibilities of having flatmates. And truly, we are never really alone. God (and Jesus and the holy spirit) are always in our hearts, mind and soul.

You accept that they've got things to do,

But sometimes in the end there's nothing left for you.

Counting 1-2-3

It's sad how there are very few people we can count on, including those close to us.

I'll always try to be on the better end of the line but it's always disappointing when everybody's counting on you...yet you can never count on them.

It's also a pain to be the responsible one of the lot (which means doing all the work) yet still get accused of being immature and childish.

I'm half glad I won't see those 'friends' anymore...

On the brighter side, I am also surrounded by genuine friends and family who would go to the world's end to help me out in my troubled times.

Praise God for them.

Malaysia, aku cinta padamu

'Tis Merdeka today and I've never felt more patriotic.

Perhaps it's because I'm leaving the country tomorrow...*sad face*

While in the car with the radio on, a song started to play...

It made me smile =)

May God glorify our country and shower His people with love so much that it overflows. May this song one day be sung across the Nation...

Ah...another taste of bitter disappointment. When will it ever end?!

It is times like these I sometimes wish I could perish in some way just to punish those who take me for granted. As my mom used to threated us, "What if I die tomorrow, huh, and you blew me off just to watch tv/play pc games/etc"

"Oh, take me now for my existence means nothing to people on this earth!" is what my heart is screaming.

But ever so subtly, God is whispering "My child, I still need you here to do my bidding."

And that is why I haven't recklessly jumped in front of a car (preferably a beautiful Mercedes M class) or fall into a pile of infected needles.

But mark my words, understanding I shall be, but there are limits. I can always choose NOT to be understanding.

Lesson for all: If you expect someone to be understanding, make sure you walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Remember, it always takes two to tango and you're better safe than sorry.

I think that should be enough cheesy proverbs for the day.

Adios. Ariba! Ariba! Andale! Andale!

Oh Lea of little faith....

“If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.

For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.

But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Luke 12:28-34

Thou art my sole comforter, O Lord.

Awakened by malcontent-ment-ness

Here's a basic English lesson. We shall be learning about the annoying properties of a "flaky person". That's F-L-A-K-Y, like a serious case of dandruff.

A flaky person is someone who is not reliable or stable. They tend to make commitments they can't keep and change their mind rapidly for no apparent reason - says reference dot com.

Example 1: Damn it, she's promised to meet us here right now but she just called to cancel off! (Flaky person alert!)

Example 2: Darling, I know I promised to take you to Disney World today but I'm feeling a tad lazy. So yeah.... (Flaky person alert!)

Oh yes, people *with US minority attitude* you better believe there is a name for your condition. Mm hmmm.... *finger snaps to add drama*

Advice for flakers: One could only take so much flaking before getting fed up and dumping your sorry, flaky assicles. Unless you're friends with a saint, stop the insanity!

Solution: Stop making promises you can't be bothered to keep, huh!

P/S Malcontentmentness probably isn't a real word... Assicles isn't one either.

Class dismissed.

Terror beyond belief

...that is natural childbirth....

Today is the third time I have witnessed these procedures and they are everything but beautiful. I would happily sit through 10 mastectomies over the expulsion of a child the size of a bowling ball through a hole the size of a golf ball.

Strangely, it is only this time that I felt the physical effects of shock and trauma. First came nausea, followed by the draining of blood from my peripherals. I literally felt the blood from my head drain away which left me cold, clammy, light headed and my vision faded.

Yes, people. I was close to keeling over and fainting. The horror!!

Kudos to all mothers who went through that nightmare of a procedure.

If I could, then I would...

...I'll go wherever you will go

Nah....

Communication

...is one of the many keys to a good relationship, ANY relationship.

Do NOT expect people to read your minds, no matter how truly close you are.

I mean, does this even make any sense:
"My boyfriend should know today is our 150th day anniversary. Why isn't he buying me flowers? *whine*"

Girls, don't expect your man to magically understand your feelings because...they just DON'T

Male pride gets in the way sometimes as well:
"She should well know I hate it when she talks to that guy. But I'm just gonna simmer in my own anger until she uses her telepathic powers to see that I'm upset"

Boys, we aren't psychic! We're not gonna know what's bothering you unless you tell us!

Don't we all wish we'd empathise and understand each other via skin to skin osmosis diffusion. That'll make life so much simpler.

I'm not one to truly understand another person's situation or reasons. Understanding just does not come that easily to me. I believe me my mind is, despite being 2 decades old, slightly under-ripe and immature. Confusing as some matters can be, we've just gotta learn to accept, have FAITH and move on.

2 hours of non-stop badminton, 1 trapped nerve at the hip area, 2 days of morning garden work, 6am hill climbing....

I feel as charged as a duracell bunny!!!

爱请是游戏，谁先付出真心，谁就是输家

Unnecessary pissed moment

I promise, I shall never be classified as needy or clingy. I will pursue my career overseas for as long as I possibly can to prove my point.

When loved ones are apart, don't they miss each other more as time go by? Won't they want to keep in touch often? Won't they long for their loved ones to be near? Or is this idea only true in my head?

Because so far, the longer I am away from home, the lesser I am needed home.

Of lists and inspirations

I'm a list-maker. In fact, I have a whole booklet dedicated to making lists: movies to watch, groceries to buy, places to visit, tasks to do for the day. And the delicious feeling of satisfaction when crossing off the written items just soothes my heart.

Today's inspiration came from the video below...

I want to be that man flappin' like a mad chicken in all those different places. I want to explore, be adventurous, live life to the full and knit each experience together into stories I can tell my grandchildren.

Right in the middle of the video I had a lightbulb moment. I should make a list! A list of things I want to do, places I want to see, adventures I want to experience...so I'll never forget. So I can cross them off. So when I'm older, I won't look back and regret the times I should've done them, but never did. My own bucket list.

Slipping into peaceful existance

Currently, I'm in a state of ignorance and mind-numbing peace which I wish to record to remind myself of this...lovely feeling.

Am I on drugs, I hear you ask. Oh, nearly so. Stashed away in my drawers are sleeping pills for long flights which I have been intending to use to calm my sleepless nights brought upon by stress, paranoia, nightmares and the dreadful summer heat. But no, I haven't taken them yet.

It's that final realisation that your life is not meant to be permanently bound to constant pressure, pain and disappointment.

For example, exam times, which everybody can relate. As the dates draw nearer, I grow increasingly panicky, frantically trying to cram every single last detail into my exhausted brain. Sleeping hours grow shorter, anxiety attacks become more frequent. And then, right at the last moment, I drift into a welcoming state of calmness. I like to call the this moment the 'f*ck-it' state. The weight just lifts of your shoulders because you know you've done the best you can. Or more crudely put, I don't give a rat's ass any more.

That's where I'm at right now, but not as a consequence of an exam. This is the aftermath of an argument. Oh yes, the 'f*ck-it' state applies to most any stressful event. Like any physiological system, the process can be staged. First there's the adrenaline rush of anger followed by a dull stress fuelled with corticosteroids due to or lead by sadness and disappointment. Finally, we reach the 'f*ck-it' state.

In this state, I am mentally screaming with a haughty air "Bring it on, world! Do your worst!" Because I really don't give a *beeeeep* what happens.

Year 3 over

It's official...My appetite disappears when I'm stressed.

26 hours without food, 34 hours without sleep, 15 minutes of hell during my presentation, 4 months of freedom!!!

I feel...thirsty.

Tea Jello

What do we do when we have copious amounts of castor sugar, powdered gelatin and loose tea leaves?

Oh...it ain't a regular cuppa with 2 lumps of sugar

I made TEA JELLY!!!

This batch was made with 'Tie Guan Yin' loose tea leaves.

Mmm...Edible tea =) Refreshing with a subtle perfume-y fragrance

Before I forget, perhaps I should try milk tea jelly served with evaporated milk or sweet coffee jelly with evaporated milk...No WAIT...coffee jelly with a splash of Baileys...*drool*

Makes me happy 14 =)

I've been seeing the 365 thanksgiving project going around and thought of starting one myself. After letting the clockwork in my head tick a little bit more, I realised that I've already got my own! 'Cept I called it 'Makes me Happy =)'

This week, it's gotta be...

...the love that fuels my way up Primrose Hill...(although that love requires constant feeding with free meals.)

Am proud to say I successfully baked a peanut butter and jelly brownie-like cake. Deliciousness! Thank God for baking =)

Last but not least...thank GOD I get to see my family this summer.

Temperament observation

Over the years, I have evolved from being a super sanguine in my secondary school years, to a well-balanced person with equal amounts of all 4 temperament in my college years...

"Your temperant won't always be the same", was what Aunty Michele told us. It is very interesting to see how life pushes us to be the person we are now, and how we adapt to cope with life.

Today, I am a phlegmatic with a touch of 'sanguin'ity.

Harmonizer Pattern: Phlegmatic-Sanguine (S-I)

The Harmonizer is more friendly than the other Phlegmatics. They are very accepting and tolerant of others. This person is very accommodating and easy to be associated with in the work environment and as a friend. They need some social involvement. They are loyal, consistent and dependable. They will often work when they are ill. They are very independent minded and want to operate by themselves and set their own pace. They learn by doing. Once their mind is made up they will resist any other method of approach. They can do routine work but will need some activity during the day. They have a very difficult time saying no and will often take on more than they can do. They have a very pleasant, soft voice.

(Pleasant and soft voice my butt..).

I don't think I want to be this person, but I understand it is ideal at this point in time.

Who knows, I might be totally different next year.

Sources:

http://neoxenos.org/temperaments/temperament_test.htm

http://fourtemperaments.com/15patterns.htm

Forever and ever

<3

This week

British Pot noodles...

...are DISGUSTING!!!

Spring make up collection...
...of Macs and Bobbi Browns

Consuming my collection of Pringles....
...while watching The Royal Wedding =)

Not forgetting Easter, the day of forgiveness and new life, the heart of Christianity.

Am blessed with the ability to forgive and forget, literally. A lesson learnt is to have all evidence terminated, as did Christ remove all our sins, and not to dwell on them.

So I ask for your forgiveness, for I have eliminated all evidence of your past and mine (literally, yet again). And I pray you have too.

Am composing this post as Prince Wills and HRH Kate ride in their horse-drawn carriage towards Buckingham Palace. What a day...

Dinner Menu 2

Now tell me...who doesn't enjoy food porn.

Every meal time, I sit in front of my PC, intoxicated by Nigel Slater, Heston Blumenthal, Jamie Oliver, the Hairy Bikers, Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall or amateur Youtube cooks...and watch them do their THANG...Mm Hmmm...staring at their sexy blistered, hands massaging a piece of sirloin steak gets me going!

Korean Kimchi Soup

Obviously, not thoroughly authentic...Flavoured with fish stock and kimchi with some prawns, spinach and japanese tofu thrown in.

Roast beef Salad

Simply home roasted chunk of beef on a bed of store bought salad. I devour my meat with Jamaican raggae raggae sauce. Yah, man!

Honey Buns

Quite a success, if I do say so myself! Fluffy and moist sweetened lightly with a bit of honey.

Recipe from: http://www.cookingbread.com/classes/class_honey_dinner_buns.html

Buns for my honey. I smiled a little.

Caving in...

Depression is taking its toll on me.

Often, little things amuse me. Cat strolling by, flowers blooming along the road side, blue skies, cooking, people watching, fat dogs...It doesn't take much to make me smile.

But that doesn't mean my life is peachy.

I have a friend who hates me to my guts and makes it her mission to inform people of my flaws behind my back.

My self proclaimed best friend easily abandons me for more popular people or for herself.

My college mates and M'sian friends are busy with their own lives.

My family back home are leading their lives without me.

The sole person I claim love from has no idea how to love me.

It's not like I haven't tried my best. I've turned my cheek and received a great deal of slaps. I've loved them as much as I love myself. I've offered everything I own to be used as their own.

It feels like I try so hard but I get nothing in return. Isn't love a basic human response?

Am I less important than a piece of exam? Am I just a tool until needed? Am I just a sideshow for the more anticipated main? Am I just plain unlovable and worthless to those around me?

If I could be in a state which I wouldn't care. If it could just happen now...quick and painless. If everything could just fade away.

Dinner Menu

French Onion Soup

Painstakingly sliced onions and caramelised onions, de-glazed with dry white wine and simmered in beef stock...Deliciously fragrant but onions could do with more caramelising.

Mini dinner rolls

Needs work...failed to produce the crispy crust I so adore and under seasoned.

Japanese Melon Pan (similar to HK bo lor bao)

Delish! Soft, milky flavoured buns (although a tad dry and could be fluffier) wrapped in a sweet, crispy pastry crust.

Cooking is my antidepressant, my relaxant, my LSD, my serotonin and dopamine stimulant... If only I could be better.