Often, little things amuse me. Cat strolling by, flowers blooming along the road side, blue skies, cooking, people watching, fat dogs...It doesn't take much to make me smile.
But that doesn't mean my life is peachy.
I have a friend who hates me to my guts and makes it her mission to inform people of my flaws behind my back.
My self proclaimed best friend easily abandons me for more popular people or for herself.
My college mates and M'sian friends are busy with their own lives.
My family back home are leading their lives without me.
The sole person I claim love from has no idea how to love me.
It's not like I haven't tried my best. I've turned my cheek and received a great deal of slaps. I've loved them as much as I love myself. I've offered everything I own to be used as their own.
It feels like I try so hard but I get nothing in return. Isn't love a basic human response?
Am I less important than a piece of exam? Am I just a tool until needed? Am I just a sideshow for the more anticipated main? Am I just plain unlovable and worthless to those around me?
If I could be in a state which I wouldn't care. If it could just happen now...quick and painless. If everything could just fade away.