Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Caving in...

Depression is taking its toll on me.

Often, little things amuse me. Cat strolling by, flowers blooming along the road side, blue skies, cooking, people watching, fat dogs...It doesn't take much to make me smile.

But that doesn't mean my life is peachy.

I have a friend who hates me to my guts and makes it her mission to inform people of my flaws behind my back.

My self proclaimed best friend easily abandons me for more popular people or for herself.

My college mates and M'sian friends are busy with their own lives.

My family back home are leading their lives without me.

The sole person I claim love from has no idea how to love me.

It's not like I haven't tried my best. I've turned my cheek and received a great deal of slaps. I've loved them as much as I love myself. I've offered everything I own to be used as their own.

It feels like I try so hard but I get nothing in return. Isn't love a basic human response?

Am I less important than a piece of exam? Am I just a tool until needed? Am I just a sideshow for the more anticipated main? Am I just plain unlovable and worthless to those around me?

If I could be in a state which I wouldn't care. If it could just happen now...quick and painless. If everything could just fade away.

1 comment:

hana said...

I wouldn't consider for a moment those two as friends at all. Give them up for they are simply not worth your time. Don't even bother pondering about them. Also, let them say what they will. You just keep on being yourself. People have eyes and will see for themselves the person you truly are. I encountered the same thing with a suitemate of mine this year who for unknown reason made it her mission to destroy me. I didn't know nor care and just acted like myself. I won the whole suite over in the end just like that and that girl is sort of suffering now from all the lies she made up. Just be true and sincere to everyone else coz lies will never hold up against the truth.

Forget your worries for a moment and just do things you love doing. You'll find yourself happier and nice people will naturally tend to flock to you. Nothing is never the end, especially when you have God always by your side.

Keep on praying, reading His word and trusting in Him like you always do and you'll find the direction and guidance you need :)