...to be able to gain and lose 2 whole kg...
...on a monthly basis...
What is this crazy thing, hah?
I've just completed the most excruciation 3 months of my life; what with exams (MPharm, not to be taken lightly. It'll chew your bones out), home-sickness, and house-hold conflicts.
I'd say the last month was another test of my faith and to bring me back into letting God take the lead of my life.
I had that much to MEMORISE...
...within 3 weeks.
A couple of my closest friends in London turned against me due to some misunderstanding;
I missed my family;
I was quite sure the world hated me...
Suicidal thoughts made way to my mind;
I found no pleasure in eating food and would rather starve then cook;
I felt weak and exhausted every single day but still had to study from daybreak 'til dawn (In my terms, 9am til 2am).
I'm lucky I have mom and Eric smacking me in the face and telling me to stop depending on myself and to rely on God - to not please the people of the world but to only please God; to place my burden on God; to find peace and joy knowing Christ has saved us.
One day, I decided to dust off my bible and turned to a random page. This was what I saw:
Mark 4:40 - He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
Afraid I was! Of losing my friends, of being alone, of failing my exams, of being not good enough, of getting dumped again. Oh, there were so many things I was afraid of...And I'm pretty sure it wasn't a PMS episode.
I decided I've had enough of this. I prayed, and prayed and prayed and gave my whole heart out to God.
I gave my best shot with the exams. And I kid you not, 90% of the materials I focused on were tested!
I stuck post-it messages on the walls and baked food (pandan cup-cakes and cheese puffs) for my flatmate in hope that they will see that I am sincere and honest. I was accused of many things and words that came at me were harsh. But I learnt not to judge anyone from their actions and pray people around me will learn the same.
Matthew 7:2-5 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Despite having still a slight aversion to food, at least I'm making lunch and dinner dates with old and new friends to catch up.
I'm glad God missed me and decided He should do something about it so I'll go back to his open arms. =) And it does take a lot of chiseling for us humans to become more Christ-like.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2011, YOU LOT! Or..um...just you, my only reader.